I'm facing a dilemma: law school or no school. Yep! I've pinpointed the procrastination. It isn't that I'm so wrapped up in my Summer fun that I don't want to study. Okay, well, maybe it is a bit. It is that I'm scared of making a mistake, a huge mistake.
On one hand, I'm dying to get into law school. Okay, rejection is also a very scary reality. As I mentioned in a previous post, I'm very limited in the schools I can financially attend and they are highly ranked. William & Mary, for example, has an acceptance rate of 24.1% and George Mason a frightening 20%! I KNOW I would make a great lawyer! I could possibly make a difference. If not in the lives of others, certainly in my family. I would be setting an example for Sydney and future baby. It would also provide job security. Setting those things aside, personally, it would mean the world to achieve the goal.
As you know, I graduated from college this past June. The first college grad in my family. It took me FOREVER, but when I crossed that stage, I couldn't stop the tears. I know, I'm a sap. I had never worked so hard for anything in my life! So, multiply that times ten for law school.
Then there is the other hand! IF, that is a big IF, I managed to get into a school, it is no joke. There will be lots of studying and stress. I worry about many things. First, I've decided that I will have to leave my job. There is no way I can do both and still have time with my family. The idea is that school will replace my job so that I can be home like I would be if working. So, obviously, there will be a significant pay reduction in the household. This is why I can only pray I get into an affordable school. I don't know about you, but I'm just not that excited about coming out of grad school with $97-106K in debt.
In addition to the financial stress and school stress, I'm sure Marc will be stressed. He's behind me 1000% and I cannot tell you how that feels. I love him sooo much! Our family is so important to me, which is why I don't want to risk harming it. He tells me I'm being silly and that we'll be fine, like always. I just don't want to be selfish. I want to be the best wife and mommy I can be. I don't want my kids to look back and say, "Mom was never there." I also don't want to miss out.
Am I being selfish?