Monday, November 5, 2007

How Do You Explain It?

How do you explain to a two-year-old that Mommy is crying because she is HAPPY, not sad?

I'm a very emotional person on a normal day. I've always been this way and I just cannot help it. I have, over time, managed to tone it down so that people, aside from family, don't think I'm a nut. :) Before that, I would have no problem hugging and loving on my friends. It wouldn't have been unusual for me to have met you once or twice and give you a hug the next time I saw you. I realized that some people are understandably uncomfortable with that and so, I, for the most part, stopped doing it. In fact, I think I've gone almost to the opposite extreme. Take my friend, Jess, as an example.

I started going to Jess for haircuts about four years ago. Now, I'm lost without her since she's in Kansas, but I further digress. It was always such a joy to get my haircut, but I think I was just more excited to see Jess. After a few visits, we realized that we lived right down the street from each other and got together maybe once or twice before we got pregnant. I think that was when we started talking more...commiserating. After the girls were born, we got together a bit more. Despite having known Jess for such a span of time, I still held back. I guess I fear that I might scare someone away. :) Don't get me wrong, I'm not talking about SWF here or anything. Many people are just not "over-the-top" with their feelings as I can be. Perhaps they hide it like me. :)

Anyway, talk about going around the bush and through the woods, I cannot hold it in at home. I am one emotionally-charged chick, good or bad. This has, of course, been exacerbated by pregnancy hormones. Sunday afternoon, we were about to leave the house when I came down the stairs and found Sydney on Marc's lap in our office listening to music. Marc was singing to her. They saw me watching them and gave me big smiles. I was so overwhelmed with emotion I started to cry. Love is such a powerful, powerful feeling. So there I am crying, hugging the two of them and thanking whatever great being that brought these two wonderful people into my life. I know I don't deserve them or the other precious life in my belly. Sydney was instantly concerned and kept asking me what was wrong. I had to attempt to explain that sometimes we cry when we are happy. She looked at me like I had a unicorn horn, gave me a hug and said, "It's okay, Mommy. It's okay." Poor girl. :) What else could I say?

I hope you all had a great weekend! I have more to tell you, but I'll have to return later.


Bonita said...

Everyone has their own way of expressing feelings, and this is yours. Your family will come to enjoy this about you, and tell stories later on..."remember when Mom....". They'll laugh and feel so grateful that you were genuine, real, and connected to feelings. Good for you, Jess.

Ruhiyyih Rose said...

Oh that is a precious story, Jess! I can just imagine your daughter asking you if you were sweet. I hope you had a good weekend!

Tiburon said...

Aww that is so sweet. I get uber emotional when I am pregnant too - I would almost say "crazy". That is sweet :)

rachd said...

I loved your enthusiasm and joy! I'm a great believer in the power of hugs and happiness! :o)

So, did I tell you about the time I cried in front of my class of kids because of a book I was reading? I cry over everything, happy or not so happy.

Poor Syd. What a sweetie to be concerned about you! :o) What a wonderful family you have! :o)

100 Percent Cottam said...

funny you should mention it - i was thinking the same thing today. it's hard to figure out how to explain these things - they'll just learn them as they grow. but i love your story. it's so great that you can be emotional. i stifle that!